(Oh God, this is going to be depressing)

What were you doing ten years ago this month?
I was experiencing my first winter in North Dakota (the first of 7) and nearing my 1 year anniversary in the Air Force, both of which were proving to be rather dismal. My A.F. career was off to a rough start due to: A) the shitty job bestowed upon me (Services Specialist) and B) the shitty duty station. First of all, let me say that it is just ridiculous to live in a place that can reach both 100 degrees below zero and 100 degrees above... I was sweating my ass off in the summer and freezing my eyeballs (literally) in the winter. M*** and I were married not quite a year, though he spent most of his time in Chicago due to the lack of good-paying jobs in ND (big surprise there). My bright spot was Paul, 1 1/2 years old - he made life in the crappy A.F. and the frozen tundra bearable.

What were you doing eight years ago this month?
In January of '98, I was nearing the end of a 4 month deployment in Aviano, Italy, which is by far, the highlight of my 4 years in the A.F. Because my "job" during the deployment was so ridiculously simple, I had more than enough time to travel throughout Italy (which I did), and drink an awful lot of alcohol (which I did too... frequently). M*** and I were still married, but at my request, separated. The marriage wasn't terrible and we got along pretty well, but as the years progressed, I'd begun to realize something was quite lacking.

What were you doing six years ago this month?
In the first month of Y2K, I was returning from upstate NY where H**** (husband #2) is originally from. During this time, I also spent 2 glorious days visiting MargaretJames, whom I had not seen in 7 years, and wouldn't again for another 5 1/2. 2000 was, I hoped, the beginning of a new and happy chapter in my life.... wishful thinking.


What were you doing four years ago this month?
I was quite bloated and pregnant, 6 months along with a baby girl. I'd taken a break from school (for obvious reasons) and spent my days being a stay-at-home mom. H**** was doing a year tour in Korea, after which we were to relocate to (gasp) SOUTH DAKOTA.... yes, from one Dakota to the next...joy, joy. I wish I could say I was doing something really interesting, but really, my days were spent watching a lot of Food Network, shuttling Paul around to various school and sports activities, and noticing with horror, the ever increasing presence of stretch marks.

What were you doing two years ago this month?
Now I was living in SD, which, like the t-shirt says, is only slightly better than ND. H**** and I had bought our first house, which, though small, was nice and far better than living in shitty military housing. Despite this major purchase, my marriage was a mess, and by now, I'd been witness to H****'s violent temper. I felt like a complete and utter idiot for allowing myself to get into this kind of situation, especially now with an added child in the mix. I truly hated myself and began to shut myself off from friends, as I couldn't even discuss my life without bursting into tears.

What are you doing right now?
Right now I am separated from H**** and live with my parents in Colorado. Both kids are with me and adjusting well to their new surroundings, at least outwardly. I am reconnecting with old friends, and even with my parents; and though my situation is far from ideal, it's amazing how unfettered I feel, and how very happy I am... and that is something I haven't been able to say in quite a while.

What have you learned from this?
My life has definitely not turned out as I'd planned. I never imagined being married and divorced, not just once, but twice, before age 35... nor would I have ever imagined living under my parent's roof again, especially with kids. But I've learned that I'm a good mother, and despite the turmoil and upheaval of past years, I managed to raise wonderful, caring, loving children. I have learned to look at myself as a person of worth, and know that I am deserving of happiness.